What is causing all of this anger towards Kaitlyn? Find out here!

The Bachelorette Gossip, capitals regular font and verdana for %22gossip%22

by,

Suzanne Coleman, MD

There’s been a lot of conversation surrounding the behavior of many fans towards Kaitlyn, the current Bachelorette.  I wanted to take a minute to talk about that.

You might be surprised to learn what the reasons are that some of these people are acting this way.  Have you ever heard of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)?  You might have heard of obsessive-compulsive disorder because it’s been talked about quite a bit on TV over the last decade or so.  Well, OCPD isn’t the same thing, though they have some things in common.

OCPD is where the word “fan” originally came from, well that was back when the full word was used, “fanatic.”  OCPD are people who are literally obsessed and feel compelled to act on those obsessions.  This can be an obsession with anything or anyone.  It can obsessions with famous people, someone down the street, religious ideas, political issues, and more.  The problem comes when the person isn’t able to see clearly and rationally due to their illness, and then acts in an unhealthy way, for themselves and/or others.

With Kaitlyn, her choices this season (and the choices of the producers of the show “The Bachelorette”) have struck a nerve with a good number of people.  Some of the people who have had a problem with her decisions have lashed out at her, becoming degrading and verbally abusive.  This is their attempt to control her behavior, which obviously they have no right to try and do.  But, because people who behave this way often have OCPD or trait, their obsessive disease forces them to express their opposition to what she has done in forceful ways, and that is called compulsion.

In addition, people with personality disorders are generally inflexible and have difficulty compromising with others.  This often becomes an issue when they cannot accept others’ different points of view or life choices.  So when they are faced with someone who lives their life in a way that isn’t one that they would choose, or that they have been told to believe is “right,” then this causes them a lot of internal angst and they can lash out as a result.

Most people with this disorder aren’t aware that they have it and don’t know how to get the help they need in order to stop the problems that it can cause.  OCPD and other personality disorders are not uncommon, in fact one out of every seven people in the US has a personality disorder.  Those who have them will generally benefit from counseling which can literally change their lives for the better.  It’s important to understand that these are diseases, no different than diabetes and high-blood pressure.  And like those diseases, they also require treatment and monitoring to get them under control.  In this case, counseling with a therapist qualified to treat personality disorders and abnormal personality traits is what is needed.

The people who have these disorders do not choose to be impacted this way by their illness, and no one should lash out at them or be hateful towards them in response.  Instead, look at this as an opportunity to be compassionate towards those who cannot control their impulses, try to lead them to the help that they need in a supportive manner.

Also note that OCPD isn’t the only underlying reason for abusive behavior, but I have found that it is a very common one.  There are other personality types that abuse as well, including borderline PD, anti-social PD, and narcissistic PD.  Helping to increase the understanding of the reasons behind why some people do what they do might just lead some people to get the help they need to live a happier and healthier life.

_________________________________________

*Please note that I don’t know any of the people who have made negative comments about Kaitlyn individually, and no one can make a definitive medical diagnosis without a proper evaluation.  This article is meant to share information on general behaviors and what likely causes them and not to label any individual or individuals.

Never hesitate to seek out help from a professional, it just might be the best thing you ever did!  And I always tell people, if one counselor isn’t working out for you, just find a different one.  It’s your health and it’s your decision.

If you found this article helpful, please share with your friends!

Advertisements

Nick and Kaitlyn, Woo Hoo! Yea!

The Bachelorette Gossip, capitals regular font and verdana for %22gossip%22

by,

Suzanne Coleman

Tonight’s episode of “The Bachelorette,” you know we’ve got to talk about it!

OMG I can’t believe how crazy Ian is, holy BLANK!  He just keeps getting uglier and uglier.  Dude, do yourself a favor and watch this show back, with a psychologist so maybe you can get a clue about yourself.

So maybe you and Kaitlyn aren’t a match, ok, but that’s no reason to be an ass to her.  Maybe watch how other men behave respectfully to women and learn from that.  That’s an idea.

I have to say, a guy who is a salesman and who was a model, has to be a REALLY deep guy.  I mean, seriously.  So deep.  Wow.  And you are so right Ian, you MUST be the next Bachelor.  I mean really, we’d all be watching desperately ready to laugh our asses off at your bad behavior and the girls who “throw” themselves at you on the show.

I guess now you’re off to get yourself some sex.  Guess that’s what you call a really deep relationship?  The kind you can find on a dark corner late at night?  Or maybe, for you, a phone call away?  Can you say, hypocrite?  Creep?  Douche?  Yeah, I know you can.  I mean, you went to PRINCETON after all…

Bye bye Ian, Hel-LO Nick!  Woo hoo, things are about to get romantic!

Hmm mmm, Kaitlyn and Nick GET DOWN in her personal suite, behind closed doors, while their mics are still on???  Ok, that’s a bit weird.  Is this show totally fake or what?  Anyway, these two’s chemistry for each other seems VERY real to me, I don’t know how you can fake a totally red face like Kaitlyn had while they were together lol, do you?

I think it’s great that they found each other and have such strong chemistry, that doesn’t happen much in life.  Maybe that’s why so many women seem to be so angry and jealous about the situation.  I can’t imagine that all of these women calling Kaitlyn derogatory names on facebook are all virgins?  Even if they are, they still don’t have the right to call a grown woman nasty names for having consensual sex with a man she knows and is attracted to.  Maybe it’s not the choice that they would make, but that doesn’t give them the right to name-call.  That’s just classless.

It’s ok to be jealous, it’s not ok to be a jerk.  Keep that in mind.

At this point in the show it seems obvious who Kaitlyn is really into, Nick, Shawn and Jarrod.  The rest of you guys, we’ll see ya’ll around… lata’!

________________

*You’ve got to forgive me if I missed something juicy, I’m here in the NE IL area and we had tornadoes tonight, so I missed the last 12 minutes!!  Please fill me in if you know what happened.  PUHLEASE!  TTYL guys!

Crazy + Drama = Crazy Drama…

The Bachelorette Gossip, capitals regular font and verdana for %22gossip%22

by

Suzanne Coleman, MD

This episode of “The Bachelorette” was full of the pre-requisite drama and crazy, stay tuned to find out more!  Let’s start at the beginning.

They are going to have the rose ceremony, you know, the one they were SUPPOSED to have at the end of last week’s episode?!  Omg, I can’t even remember what happened on that episode and NOW they’re having the rose ceremony?  Geez…  I feel totally disconnected from the show’s characters.  Am I the only one who thinks this is annoying?

But wait, before they even get to the rose ceremony, Kaitlyn has to deal with Kupa who seems to have gone off the deep end after she told him “eh, it ain’t gonna work for us.”  Kupa is yelling outside and everyone can hear him.  Kaitlyn ends up walking out there to tell him to basically grow up.  I think that how Kaitlyn handled things was good; she was classy and appropriately assertive when he was getting out of hand.

After she asks him to behave she goes back inside and they show that Kupa is still going crazy outside, but quietly, waving a drink in his hand as he gestures to the camera crew.  Maybe his drinking is part of his problem?  Unaware, back inside Kaitlyn hands out the roses from last week’s episode.  I can barely remember who most of these guys are or what happened, except “cupcake,” I can remember him :).  After it’s over, three more guys are gone, two of whom I don’t even think they ever showed in any of the scenes.

Next, it was on to today’s “date” festivities.  Sumo wrestling.  Wha’???  Yep, you heard me right!  Two massive sumo wrestling champions from Japan came to California to wrestle the tiny-in-comparison American boys.  L.O.L.!!  Hilarious.  Now, that’s good entertainment.  It was fun watching them easily push the guys around.

You gotta love those “diapers” that the wrestlers had to wear, how funny 🙂  I have a question though, and maybe I’m not alone.  Why did they pixelate the guys’ butts?  They don’t pixelate women’s cleavage.  It’s not really that different, and here we have just one more example of sexism in our society.  Let us see the butts!  I mean, seriously.

During the sumo wrestling, which is supposed to be all in fun, one of the contestants on the show, Tony, shows us again that he has some real mental health issues.  He gets very aggressive when it’s his turn to go, and then when he isn’t the “big man” he thinks that he is, his ego is hurt and he then deflects the blame for his extremely negative feelings on to Kaitlyn for “making” him feel that way.  He really needs to get some help from mental health professionals who can help him figure out his issues.  The things that he seems to do to try and get his life into better “balance,” like meditation, work to a degree in some ways but they are not sufficient to treat mental illnesses.  I hope he gets some help and can improve his ability to deal with life’s challenges.

Now on to the next date, a scary experiment.  For Kaitlyn’s one-on-one date with Ben Z., Chris Harrison set up this crazy “game.”  The two of them were locked in a dark set of rooms filled with scary stuff, like a haunted house.  They had to find clues in there and figure out how to turn those clues into numbers to open the door so they could get out before some “gas” was released into the rooms.  That was pretty creative I have to say!  I loved the part where the scary person wrapped in sheets that was on the bed got up and moved around!  OOoooo THAT was SCARY.

There were also things people are scared of, like live snakes and scorpions and pigeons in there.  “Wait, did you just say pigeons?” you ask.

“Yes, yes I did, pigeons.”

“Hmm, those aren’t scary…” you think.

“I know, I agree!” I say.

It seems that those were added especially for Kaitlyn who said she has a bird phobia.  I feel bad for her, birds are awesome.  Maybe not pigeons per se, but other birds like warblers and sparrows…  But it was funny to see her and Ben freak out at the things that scared them, as safe as they may be.

I don’t know what to say about the next group date, do you?  There are so many negative responses to it on facebook.  Kaitlyn had the gents talk to a group of young people about sex and the maturation process.  It was very weird, and awkward.  I’m all about education and people having the knowledge they need to make good decisions, but it was a bit odd the way that they did it.  During the episode they said that the kids were all actors, but still, odd.  I am hoping that like many kid actors they were much older than they were perceived to be, that would make me feel more comfortable about what happened there.

Now on to the really juicy stuff.  So the show has these two boys, I call them boys, because really they are so immature and strange, named Clint and JJ.  They are both very narcissistic and that makes them self-absorbed, but they also seem to have some seriously manipulative and abusive traits that make them appear to be little sociopaths (one in 75 men is a sociopath, one in 300 women is as well).  And like sociopaths, they also seem to lack empathy towards others.

I have always noticed that psychopaths (like both narcissists and sociopaths are) tend to be attracted to people with the same behaviors, and here we have the unusual mutual attraction between two men with many psychopathic behaviors.  It’s a bit scary to watch, but serves as a good example to everyone watching on how to AVOID people like this in your life!  HOLY COW.

The show ended with Kaitlyn about to confront creeper Clint about his lies and manipulative behaviors.  But, of course the show didn’t let us see what happens, we have to wait until next WEEK to find out.

I don’t know what they are thinking with their new format.  Almost all of the people commenting online are not happy about this nor about the other changes they have made, and they are saying they’ll stop watching because they dislike it so much.  I am wondering if the ratings are dropping off too, or if this is just a vocal minority speaking their mind.  As for me personally, I wish they would finish the show in one night like they used to, it’s hard to remember all of the details that lead up to the ending a week later.

Since we have the internet, I decided to try and find out how their ratings ARE doing.  I found that the ratings for last week’s episode were 5.37 million viewers.*  I also read that one of last season’s episodes was reported to have had the lowest number of viewers EVER at an estimated 5.6 million viewers.**  Uh oh, it looks like they really are losing viewers over these last few years, as this recent number is even lower than their lowest number EVER.  Maybe they should take a bit of time to read what viewers are saying online.  There are some really good suggestions on there as to what might be preferable to watch vs. what they have been doing lately.

They did post a call for new contestants at the end of the show, and these are live-in-person calls at various locations.  So maybe there is a chance that they are going back to the way more successful and popular format of several years ago.  We’ll see…

All things considered, Kaitlyn is growing on me a little bit, and that’s good.  This season should be interesting, there seem to be some good guys on it and she seems to actually be there to meet someone (but who knows…).  You can see that she is making strong connections with a few of them already.  Lucky her lol.

__________________________________________

Sources on viewer data:

*http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/2015/05/27/monday-final-ratings-no-adjustments-to-the-bachelorette-or-american-ninja-warrior/408895/

**http://www.bustle.com/articles/25861-the-bachelorette-pulls-lowest-ratings-ever-andi-dorfmans-season-is-doomed

Wow, Britt was SO being fake!

The Bachelor Gossip, framed

 

by,

Suzanne Coleman

OK guys, now I have to say something after seeing Monday’s episode of “The Bachelor, The Women Tell All.”  Now, if you’ve been following my blog so far, you know what I’ve been thinking about a few of the girls on the show.

I generally liked Britt, even though she was clearly a bit self-centered when she grabbed all of the attention on the group date after the other girl got the rose and not HER.  She did realize later that she was being selfish though, so I forgave her for that.  No one is perfect, heck no one is even close…

But now that I think about things again after seeing her on Monday night’s episode, things have become clearer.  It now seems like her saying how selfish she was about the whole episode was her being fake in another attempt to get attention.  And then, this comes to mind too.  I remember her telling the other girls about how she and Chris S. spent two hours alone together in HIS ROOM…”napping”… that was pretty rude, and not very classy either.  It’s not like they were her close friends whom she would tell EVERYTHING about her relationship.  No, not at all.  The truth is, she told them to make them jealous.  And, it worked.

When I watched Monday’s episode, it became really obvious to me that she was full of something.  I’m sure she probably did have some real feelings for Chris at the time they were together.  I mean, they sure seemed to have good chemistry, even if we didn’t see much of anything else between them.  That’s enough to make it hurt when things don’t work out, I think we all know.  But it’s been months now, and the pain from that short fling has likely faded.

Instead of seeing a girl in pain over an old relationship that didn’t work out, I saw a woman who seemed calculated and manipulative in her behaviors.  Throughout most of the episode she demanded that all of the attention be on her.  I’ve never seen a “Tell All” that spent so much time on one person!  The rest of the show was just bits and pieces of other people’s concerns.  Her crying was definitely fake.  It may have started out a bit real, but after that, it wasn’t.  Even Chris H. could tell, he is very intelligent and he always leads people in the best way he knows how, and he was trying to get her to stop faking it lol.  But she just kept on milking it, often looking up to make sure that someone or something was looking at her.  When you’re crying you don’t pause, look up deliberately, then look down and start fake crying again.  At least I don’t…

I know lots of people still like her.  She is a beautiful young woman, no doubt.  She is working very hard to further her public career, and this show is a great platform for that.  I don’t want to take that away from her, but really, she isn’t being REAL with us.  I mean, the whole sleeping in your makeup thing is a pretty good clue that she either has some really serious issues with herself, or she is super concerned about how she looks on camera at all times.

While watching the series you could tell that many of the girls did not like Britt, and some called her out on being fake and self-centered.  Now we know why.  Maybe this helps explain Carly’s behavior a bit more.  It’s hard to say who is being real on the show, until you see something that makes you say “ah HA!”

I have to say though, if I was the director/producer of that episode I would have pulled Britt down off of that throne, uh, I mean stage, and focused more attention on the other stories we all wanted to see unfold that evening.

Now, I guess we can all wait to see what happens on the finale.  What do you think, Whitney vs. Becca?  I know who I like the best!  🙂

The Very First Annual Official Unfriend Day

unfriend day fb graphis, Jan 1st with blue border around white

by,

Suzanne Coleman

I hereby declare January 1st as the FIRST OFFICIAL ANNUAL “UNFRIEND DAY!”  On this day we are all free to unfriend all of those CRAZY, ANNOYING, BORING, whatever “FRIENDS” we have added over the years on facebook and have realized that we just don’t want to keep them around anymore.

No more “custom” posting, hiding posts, making secret groups, now you can feel free to come out in the open and say “I am going to unfriend all of you suckers!”  LOL!  Ok, maybe not quite like that, but… I say go for it.  National Unfriend Day has now gone OFFICIAL!

Wouldn’t life be just that much more awesome without having to scroll by the endless political posts of those obsessive-compulsive types?  What about no longer seeing loopy, goofy posts by those schizotypal personalities, oh boy!  Yes, yes it would be MUCH more awesome.  And this day lets you do just that WITHOUT ANY GUILT!

That’s right, this day is 100% GUILT-FREE!  No one can ever come back to you and whine “why did you unfriend me!?” and go and badmouth you to all of your mutual “friends.”  Nope, not anymore!  National Unfriend Day is the PERFECT way to get them out of your life, no strings attached.  Go for it!

This way all of those narcissists who never ONCE commented on or liked ONE of your posts, but expect your COMPLETE attention on their incessant self-centered posts are GONE from your life!  And that’s GREAT!

Go ahead and enjoy your “unfriend” clicking this January 1st, you even get a whole DAY OFF for it!  It’s PERFECT!  And when you’re done, sit back, let out a huge sigh of relief and give me a smile, that’s all the thanks I need.  🙂

%d bloggers like this: