auf! I will go hungry
I must cry now… as I wither away and starve. The dry grey of the cement the only scent I feel. It closes in on me as I turn, falling, slowly spiraling downward to the ground, it’s getting darker…
I awaken, coldness the only sense I feel. I cannot see. I cannot touch. I cannot taste. I only feel. Hard, cold, close. I fall again.
Ethan, where are you? Have you abandoned me? Now I almost cannot remember you. It may be that you were never real. You may have accompanied me during my time of stupor, sent from my own mind to quell my fears. I step out into the darkness…
Movement. I sense it all around me. Swirling, blending, cold. It flows thru time and touches me. It follows me as I move forward. It is still unbearably dark.
Here. Where is Here? Am I Here, or There? Stuck between the two places in time as if there is no real time. I move forward, but I cannot move. It is as if there is no movement in me, all of it without. Can I tell you about the relevance?
There is no sight. There is sight, only there is no light. Or there is no sight. I am uncertain here. I cannot tell. I cannot see, but blackness. I can feel. I feel that I think that I am Here Now. My feet step forward.
Touching the ground, rough round granular pebbles, embedded into the cold cold hardness. I reach around me, the ground has no end. I touch my face, I feel the soft surface marred by the roughness of pebbles. I feel pain.
I do not hear. I do not hear sounds. I hear no wind. I hear no cars, no screams. But I am moving now. I feel. I feel movement. My hair, touches my cheek, it is being blown there, around by the wind. But it is silent. There is no wind, no sound of wind. I am confused.
Again I wake.