What is causing all of this anger towards Kaitlyn? Find out here!

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by,

Suzanne Coleman, MD

There’s been a lot of conversation surrounding the behavior of many fans towards Kaitlyn, the current Bachelorette.  I wanted to take a minute to talk about that.

You might be surprised to learn what the reasons are that some of these people are acting this way.  Have you ever heard of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)?  You might have heard of obsessive-compulsive disorder because it’s been talked about quite a bit on TV over the last decade or so.  Well, OCPD isn’t the same thing, though they have some things in common.

OCPD is where the word “fan” originally came from, well that was back when the full word was used, “fanatic.”  OCPD are people who are literally obsessed and feel compelled to act on those obsessions.  This can be an obsession with anything or anyone.  It can obsessions with famous people, someone down the street, religious ideas, political issues, and more.  The problem comes when the person isn’t able to see clearly and rationally due to their illness, and then acts in an unhealthy way, for themselves and/or others.

With Kaitlyn, her choices this season (and the choices of the producers of the show “The Bachelorette”) have struck a nerve with a good number of people.  Some of the people who have had a problem with her decisions have lashed out at her, becoming degrading and verbally abusive.  This is their attempt to control her behavior, which obviously they have no right to try and do.  But, because people who behave this way often have OCPD or trait, their obsessive disease forces them to express their opposition to what she has done in forceful ways, and that is called compulsion.

In addition, people with personality disorders are generally inflexible and have difficulty compromising with others.  This often becomes an issue when they cannot accept others’ different points of view or life choices.  So when they are faced with someone who lives their life in a way that isn’t one that they would choose, or that they have been told to believe is “right,” then this causes them a lot of internal angst and they can lash out as a result.

Most people with this disorder aren’t aware that they have it and don’t know how to get the help they need in order to stop the problems that it can cause.  OCPD and other personality disorders are not uncommon, in fact one out of every seven people in the US has a personality disorder.  Those who have them will generally benefit from counseling which can literally change their lives for the better.  It’s important to understand that these are diseases, no different than diabetes and high-blood pressure.  And like those diseases, they also require treatment and monitoring to get them under control.  In this case, counseling with a therapist qualified to treat personality disorders and abnormal personality traits is what is needed.

The people who have these disorders do not choose to be impacted this way by their illness, and no one should lash out at them or be hateful towards them in response.  Instead, look at this as an opportunity to be compassionate towards those who cannot control their impulses, try to lead them to the help that they need in a supportive manner.

Also note that OCPD isn’t the only underlying reason for abusive behavior, but I have found that it is a very common one.  There are other personality types that abuse as well, including borderline PD, anti-social PD, and narcissistic PD.  Helping to increase the understanding of the reasons behind why some people do what they do might just lead some people to get the help they need to live a happier and healthier life.

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*Please note that I don’t know any of the people who have made negative comments about Kaitlyn individually, and no one can make a definitive medical diagnosis without a proper evaluation.  This article is meant to share information on general behaviors and what likely causes them and not to label any individual or individuals.

Never hesitate to seek out help from a professional, it just might be the best thing you ever did!  And I always tell people, if one counselor isn’t working out for you, just find a different one.  It’s your health and it’s your decision.

If you found this article helpful, please share with your friends!

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Crazy + Drama = Crazy Drama…

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by

Suzanne Coleman, MD

This episode of “The Bachelorette” was full of the pre-requisite drama and crazy, stay tuned to find out more!  Let’s start at the beginning.

They are going to have the rose ceremony, you know, the one they were SUPPOSED to have at the end of last week’s episode?!  Omg, I can’t even remember what happened on that episode and NOW they’re having the rose ceremony?  Geez…  I feel totally disconnected from the show’s characters.  Am I the only one who thinks this is annoying?

But wait, before they even get to the rose ceremony, Kaitlyn has to deal with Kupa who seems to have gone off the deep end after she told him “eh, it ain’t gonna work for us.”  Kupa is yelling outside and everyone can hear him.  Kaitlyn ends up walking out there to tell him to basically grow up.  I think that how Kaitlyn handled things was good; she was classy and appropriately assertive when he was getting out of hand.

After she asks him to behave she goes back inside and they show that Kupa is still going crazy outside, but quietly, waving a drink in his hand as he gestures to the camera crew.  Maybe his drinking is part of his problem?  Unaware, back inside Kaitlyn hands out the roses from last week’s episode.  I can barely remember who most of these guys are or what happened, except “cupcake,” I can remember him :).  After it’s over, three more guys are gone, two of whom I don’t even think they ever showed in any of the scenes.

Next, it was on to today’s “date” festivities.  Sumo wrestling.  Wha’???  Yep, you heard me right!  Two massive sumo wrestling champions from Japan came to California to wrestle the tiny-in-comparison American boys.  L.O.L.!!  Hilarious.  Now, that’s good entertainment.  It was fun watching them easily push the guys around.

You gotta love those “diapers” that the wrestlers had to wear, how funny 🙂  I have a question though, and maybe I’m not alone.  Why did they pixelate the guys’ butts?  They don’t pixelate women’s cleavage.  It’s not really that different, and here we have just one more example of sexism in our society.  Let us see the butts!  I mean, seriously.

During the sumo wrestling, which is supposed to be all in fun, one of the contestants on the show, Tony, shows us again that he has some real mental health issues.  He gets very aggressive when it’s his turn to go, and then when he isn’t the “big man” he thinks that he is, his ego is hurt and he then deflects the blame for his extremely negative feelings on to Kaitlyn for “making” him feel that way.  He really needs to get some help from mental health professionals who can help him figure out his issues.  The things that he seems to do to try and get his life into better “balance,” like meditation, work to a degree in some ways but they are not sufficient to treat mental illnesses.  I hope he gets some help and can improve his ability to deal with life’s challenges.

Now on to the next date, a scary experiment.  For Kaitlyn’s one-on-one date with Ben Z., Chris Harrison set up this crazy “game.”  The two of them were locked in a dark set of rooms filled with scary stuff, like a haunted house.  They had to find clues in there and figure out how to turn those clues into numbers to open the door so they could get out before some “gas” was released into the rooms.  That was pretty creative I have to say!  I loved the part where the scary person wrapped in sheets that was on the bed got up and moved around!  OOoooo THAT was SCARY.

There were also things people are scared of, like live snakes and scorpions and pigeons in there.  “Wait, did you just say pigeons?” you ask.

“Yes, yes I did, pigeons.”

“Hmm, those aren’t scary…” you think.

“I know, I agree!” I say.

It seems that those were added especially for Kaitlyn who said she has a bird phobia.  I feel bad for her, birds are awesome.  Maybe not pigeons per se, but other birds like warblers and sparrows…  But it was funny to see her and Ben freak out at the things that scared them, as safe as they may be.

I don’t know what to say about the next group date, do you?  There are so many negative responses to it on facebook.  Kaitlyn had the gents talk to a group of young people about sex and the maturation process.  It was very weird, and awkward.  I’m all about education and people having the knowledge they need to make good decisions, but it was a bit odd the way that they did it.  During the episode they said that the kids were all actors, but still, odd.  I am hoping that like many kid actors they were much older than they were perceived to be, that would make me feel more comfortable about what happened there.

Now on to the really juicy stuff.  So the show has these two boys, I call them boys, because really they are so immature and strange, named Clint and JJ.  They are both very narcissistic and that makes them self-absorbed, but they also seem to have some seriously manipulative and abusive traits that make them appear to be little sociopaths (one in 75 men is a sociopath, one in 300 women is as well).  And like sociopaths, they also seem to lack empathy towards others.

I have always noticed that psychopaths (like both narcissists and sociopaths are) tend to be attracted to people with the same behaviors, and here we have the unusual mutual attraction between two men with many psychopathic behaviors.  It’s a bit scary to watch, but serves as a good example to everyone watching on how to AVOID people like this in your life!  HOLY COW.

The show ended with Kaitlyn about to confront creeper Clint about his lies and manipulative behaviors.  But, of course the show didn’t let us see what happens, we have to wait until next WEEK to find out.

I don’t know what they are thinking with their new format.  Almost all of the people commenting online are not happy about this nor about the other changes they have made, and they are saying they’ll stop watching because they dislike it so much.  I am wondering if the ratings are dropping off too, or if this is just a vocal minority speaking their mind.  As for me personally, I wish they would finish the show in one night like they used to, it’s hard to remember all of the details that lead up to the ending a week later.

Since we have the internet, I decided to try and find out how their ratings ARE doing.  I found that the ratings for last week’s episode were 5.37 million viewers.*  I also read that one of last season’s episodes was reported to have had the lowest number of viewers EVER at an estimated 5.6 million viewers.**  Uh oh, it looks like they really are losing viewers over these last few years, as this recent number is even lower than their lowest number EVER.  Maybe they should take a bit of time to read what viewers are saying online.  There are some really good suggestions on there as to what might be preferable to watch vs. what they have been doing lately.

They did post a call for new contestants at the end of the show, and these are live-in-person calls at various locations.  So maybe there is a chance that they are going back to the way more successful and popular format of several years ago.  We’ll see…

All things considered, Kaitlyn is growing on me a little bit, and that’s good.  This season should be interesting, there seem to be some good guys on it and she seems to actually be there to meet someone (but who knows…).  You can see that she is making strong connections with a few of them already.  Lucky her lol.

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Sources on viewer data:

*http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/2015/05/27/monday-final-ratings-no-adjustments-to-the-bachelorette-or-american-ninja-warrior/408895/

**http://www.bustle.com/articles/25861-the-bachelorette-pulls-lowest-ratings-ever-andi-dorfmans-season-is-doomed

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