The Bullies’ Claws Come Out

The Bachelor Gossip, framed

by,

Suzanne Coleman, MD

 

It was an emotional episode of the Bachelor’s “The Girls Tell All” tonight.  We got to hear from Jubilee, Olivia, and Lace, the three women who made the most headlines during this season.  And then Caila and Ben.

Let’s start with Jubliee.  Now those of you that follow my posts know that I like this girl.  Check out my previous post here.  Before Chris Harrison even put her on the “stand” two girls started attacking her.  Wow, and you guys wonder why she didn’t feel comfortable interacting with you?  Hmm….

One of the girls was Amber but I have no clue who the other girl was.  She identified herself as “bi-racial” and it was clearly a very big deal to her.  So big that other women’s identities seemed to cause her self-esteem to weaken.  That’s not healthy.  Don’t identify yourself based on what other people think or say, be stronger, be yourself.  This is truly up to you, no one else.

She was apparently upset that Jubilee said something about her being “fully black.”  Ok, well that’s her, not you.  If you have an issue with someone I suggest you tell them right away, not let it burn a hole inside of you for months or years.  Address them right away, tell them how you feel and why.  If nothing else, when you speak up you are respecting yourself, staying silent is like letting someone else take away your voice, don’t do that.  Choose to speak up and speak out.  You can do it in a constructive way, if possible, and hopefully you can start a positive dialogue with those you are having the miscommunication or disagreement with.  But this girl apparently kept her anger inside and brought it out during the episode.  I’m sorry she has these feelings, she is a gorgeous individual and I hope she can learn to love herself regardless of what other people might think or say about her.

But things got better.  Later, when Jubilee was up on the stand, she talked about how she has difficulty with trusting people and feeling like she can count of others because she has lost her entire family.  That makes sense.  I know that a lot of people are lucky enough to have family and friends supporting and guiding them through life, helping them to know how to deal with difficult situations and people, and being a steady hand for them through life’s challenges and successes.  But she hasn’t had this.  A lot of people haven’t, and they suffer for it, often daily.

Not knowing where you stand with people and having no one to fall back on for support is exhausting.  So she faltered at times with the other girls, and didn’t respond in the way that someone who was taught how to respond would.  Don’t hold it against her.  No one is perfect and everyone has something to offer.  When someone is in a situation like her, where she feels like she is standing on uneven ground and isn’t sure where she can grab on to hold, I suggest counseling as it can teach you how to respond in those situations, to the best of your ability.  You just need to try, and things CAN get better.

I hope that people can learn from these women’s situations.  They opened up and shared very personal information about themselves and that takes real courage.  Don’t hate people because they are different, like others say, you never know what struggles they are facing, try and have compassion and understanding.  And communicate with them clearly and without attacking them and you’ll likely have a better chance of a positive impact than if you attack them, or worse, talk behind their backs.  No one can help you if you don’t let them know what the problem is, talk to them directly.

Then things progressed to Olivia.  This young woman has really been tortured throughout this process.  That is not good.  Sure, she is far from perfect, she is learning about herself like we all are (hopefully).  Not unlike Jubilee, she has some difficulties in interacting with others, I can tell you that this is not her fault.  It is usually a result of not having people around you who can show you the best ways to interact with others as you are growing up.  These skills can be learned later in life, when someone is ready to learn them.  Counseling can be very helpful for people in a situation like this, teaching them about themselves objectively and teaching them the best skills for certain social situations.

While we were watching the girls talk to Olivia, it became pretty clear who the real bullies are, Emily, her sister, Amanda, and possibly even the brown-haired girl in the back.  I don’t know what is wrong with these young ladies, but they need to take a serious look at themselves.  They feed on each other and support each other in their bad behavior, which has led them to believe that they are in the right.  They are not.  Yes, there were conflicts, but as we saw during the show, they weren’t addressed well by Emily when she “tried.”  Putting aside your frustrations and then speaking to someone is a better way to reach them, and it allows you to hear what they have to say as well.  If you really want to have a better relationship with someone, try that.

On the show last night we saw the twins repeatedly play the victim, but it seems that they are the perpetrators.  Let me be direct.  My advice?  Grow up and take some responsibility for who you really are, and then work to become a better person.

That’s all I’ll tackle today ladies.  Next week’s finale looks like it will be great!  Ben revealed that he has found the love of his life, now we just have to wait to find out which of the two girls he loves is THE ONE.

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Crazy Shi*’s Going Down

The Bachelor Gossip, framed

by,

Suzanne Coleman

Ok guys let’s talk Bachelor!  What did you all think of tonight’s episode?  It’s FINALLY getting INTERESTING!

I’m going to jump around a bit, so hang on.  I want to start with Lace.  You remember her, the girl who keeps telling us she isn’t “crazy?”  Yeah, her.  So I wrote on fb last week that people need to just give her a chance, she is clearly working on herself and I commend her for that.  I know SO many people who should be as brave and insightful as she is, but haven’t taken that next step yet to reach out and get some help with their issues.  We all have them.  Counseling can be the most amazing thing that has ever happened in your life, I’m not kidding, so if you’re thinking about it, take that next step and give it a chance.  Just remember, not every therapist/psychologist is going to be someone you will want to work with, if you get one you don’t like, just try another one.  Trust me.

So what happened with Lace?  Well, at the end of tonight’s episode, Lace pulls Ben aside and tells him that she just isn’t feeling it.  She needs to take some time to focus on herself before she can be in a relationship with anyone.  Smart woman.  She says she has a tattoo somewhere on her that says something like “you can’t truly love anyone else until you truly love yourself.”  Ah, beautiful words.  So Lace walks away from the insanity (and you’ll see, there certainly was some insanity tonight), tears in her eyes, off to work for a better and brighter future for herself.  Good luck girl!

As a side note, Lace is the second girl to already ditch Ben!  While this is probably the most realistic (to real life I mean) season so far, where girls reject guys they don’t like, and don’t all sit around waiting for that ONE guy’s attention… with Ben’s issues of being “unlovable” I worry a bit about him.  But I think he’s making some good connections with other girls at this point so he’s probably (hopefully) more focused on those positives.  Like Jubilee.

You all know Jubilee right?  What a gorgeous woman OMG.  (Except for me personally I’m not a fan of the tattoos, but it’s her body…)  She was telling the other girls that before the last one-on-one date card arrived that she was pretty sure Ben wasn’t into girls like her, complicated girls with LAYERS.  She might be right, it’s kind-of the Bachelor theme to generally have lots of more superficial types of people.

That day’s date card comes and it’s for her!  She is floored and yells out “YES!” or something like that but then quickly realizes the other girls will be sad so she apologizes for that.  Hard situation to be in, glad I’m not there!

For their date Ben has a helicopter fly in and land on the Bachelor patio to pick them up.  Crazy, right?  I’ve been in one once and I was freaking scared, that’s for sure.  Luckily the pilot was awesome, a war veteran, shout out to you dude.

When Ben and Jub are walking to get in the helicopter Jubilee is scared and she says “anybody else want to go on my date?!” to the other girls as a joke, a way to release the stress of the fear of flying.  The producers show that the other girls, some of them atleast, are pissed off by her saying that because they thought she was rubbing the date in their faces.  Um, no, she was joking.  It was pretty obvious, at least to me.  Maybe it’s a cultural thing?  I don’t know.  Amber seemed to have a bee up her a** about that and everything else “Jubilee” for the rest of the night.  I don’t know what her deal is, I don’t even remember her from her original season…

So Ben and Jubilee go off on their awesome ride and she has a great time with him.  They end up really talking and she opens up about her past.  She was adopted… AND I DON’T KNOW THE REST because damn it I was getting my dinner and MISSED IT!!!  I know, what kind of a blogger AM I?  Sorry 😦  [I hope you can fill in the blanks below for me and everyone else.]

So right after she really opens up I walk back in the room and Jubilee is all sad and Ben says how much he really likes her because she is REAL and opens up and shares her truths with him (awesome!).  He says he LIKES complicated, deep people.  Wow, that’s great for her since that’s the VERY thing that she was worried about all day.

They get all cuddly together, and we wonder, will it last?

Back at the house, Amber and some of the other girls (sorry I can’t remember which ones were into this drama) all jump on the “we hate Jubliee” train.  It’s not because she got the date and is beautiful with insane curves, it’s because she’s inconsiderate or whatever, so they SAY.  While that is stewing, Ben comes in for the evening and has something to say.

Ben tells all of the girls that two people he cares about were just killed in an accident (sorry for your loss Ben) and the room gets sad.  He starts talking with the group of girls and Olivia (shockingly, I know) grabs him first to keep him all to herself.  No control issues THERE….

She starts telling him about her ugly ankles, I’m not kidding!  And she says nothing about his loss.  He’s clearly disappointed in her self-centered behavior, but in the end, HE FREAKING PICKS HER ANYWAY (last rose)!  Ugh.. AND he lets the super cute girl Jami go!  Oh well, it is HIS life after all.

So after a bit, Jubilee grabs him and takes him over to a private massage table that she went out of her way to set up for him, apparently he had told her that his favorite thing IN THE WORLD was getting a massage.  She, like a good friend who listens, remembered that he said that and set it up for him.  Seriously, can I marry her?  (jk I’m straight, but you get the idea.)

She gives him a short massage and he is super happy and feels much better afterwards.  While at the same time the other girls are literally shooting silver daggers out of their eyes across the garden at Jubilee.  Yes, literally, it was awesome, very sci-fi.

Well, Jubilee taking more personal time with cutie Ben was the LAST straw for insecure Amber who starts a mini-riot amongst the other girls while they sit on their butts waiting around for Ben to notice them… um, just a note, TAKE SOME INITIATIVE!  It doesn’t make you aggressive to be assertive, you need to stand up for what you want, or you may never get it.  Now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.

Amber can’t take the stress anymore though she also has a rose and is safe tonight (she got the group date rose).  She gets up and almost runs over to where Jubliee is just peacefully hanging out by herself.  Jubliee is feeling a bit apart from the other girls already, she has a history and her own issues which are coming into play here (see my note above about counseling being very helpful).  Jubilee is isolating herself a bit, which isn’t helping as the others seem to be using her pullback from them to increase the target on her back.

Amber comes over to where Jubilee is and says “Come.”  Seriously, like you might speak to a dog.  That was not cool.  Amber, please work on your interpersonal skills, thank you.  Jubliee gets upset because she feels like she is being corralled by Amber and brought to the slaughter by the group of girls waiting for her to show up with Amber.  So Jubilee goes upstairs and starts getting upset, Ben hears her and kindly checks to see what is happening.  He is talking with her when Amber walks in and, instead of trying to understand what Jubilee is dealing with, Amber starts in on her again, attacking her and her actions.  Again, Amber, get a bit of help on these interpersonal things, please.

Ben ends up stopping the impending nightmare and separates the two to their separate corners.  They both survived, this round.  We’ll see how it goes next time!

I have to say one more thing about Olivia.  This is my first blog this season so unless you have seen my fb posts, you might not know how annoying Olivia’s mouth is.  …I never thought I’d use that phrase about another person, but there it is.  She literally looks like a scary skeleton, when she just sits there, fake-looking white teeth (too many of them too) and a gaping black hole of a mouth that takes you into who knows where… the dungeon is calling, screams are heard and children go suddenly missing…  chains rattle…

So who is/are your picks for the long haul here?  I like Jubilee, Jo Jo, and Emily.  I have to give a girl-to-girl shout out to Emily who rocked the soccer field like a pro tonight!  That woman is wild and dedicated, great job, you’d be an asset to anyone’s team.

How are you all liking thie season so far?  Better than the last one?  Are you watching the after show too?  I have been, though it’s not consistently interesting (sorry guys, I’m honest).  I did like that actress who was on tonight though, Paget Brewster, girl, you cracked me up 🙂

Talk to you all later, hope you had fun, see you next week!

 

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