What Do YOU Think?

What do you think? box with blue around and blue letters, graphic, SI, 700x700

by,

Suzanne Coleman

 

So here’s the story.  There are a bunch of us sitting at a table in a popular restaurant having dessert when one of the guys brings up something that happened to him in his dating past, and asks what the women think about what he did and what happened after that.

So as best as I can recall it, he tells us the following story:

______________

I had met this woman and we went on a few dates together.  We were getting along fine and she was in my apartment one day when I played back a message on my answering machine.  I shouldn’t have done that with her there, in retrospect!

It was my wife calling about the divorce we were going through.  I hadn’t told the woman I was dating that I was still married.  It never came up.

My date left after hearing that message.  The next day I opened up my front door and found out that she had come by and left the flowers I had given her recently  outside of my apartment, turned upside down.

______________

So after telling us this story, he turned to us, a questioning look on his face, and asked us what we thought.

“Well,” I told him, “you were still married and you didn’t tell her that.  That comes across as pretty creepy.  You weren’t being honest with her, it was like you were lying to her the whole time.”

Another woman spoke up, agreeing that he should have told her his exact status, as it matters to many women.

Some other opinions were voiced, and it was interesting that some of the people there were only concerned with how SHE responded to his behavior, and not with what HE did to her in the first place.  There were comments about how she shouldn’t have left the flowers there, how could she do such a thing!

One man found it particularly upsetting and shocking that a woman would enter the man’s building and leave the flowers that he gave her outside of his door, upside down, returning them to him, no longer wanted.  He felt that her behavior was some great violation.  He was upset that she was “trespassing,” though I don’t recall any mention of a secure building during the story.  But even if she entered a secure building, she was buzzed in by him or someone else.

I found these responses interesting, to say the least, and very telling about these people’s views on women and their “rights,” as well as men and their behaviors.

Above all, I thought that this woman’s message was clear, “you are a jerk and I don’t want your flowers.”  Personally, I applaud her reaction.  She stood up for herself against what she thought was a violation of her trust, and a lack of respect for her as a person.  She made a statement that she had every right to make, as we all do.

So now I turn to you, ladies and gentlemen, what do YOU think?

(Click on “Leave a comment” above to let us know.)

The Deceivers

Manti, te'o, football, controversy, scandal, deceit, lie, lies, pop, culture, facebook, friend, relationship

Subject of facebook relationship controversy, Manti Te’o. Image courtesy of Hoosierguy Jeff.

Hearing about how Manti Te’o was deceived on facebook immediately made me think of what happened to us.  You should know, he wasn’t the only one being manipulated and lied to.  Here’s our story:

I met a woman on facebook, let’s call her Beth.  She and I became friends through a mutual friend.  Over the last couple of years we all got to know each other through facebook.

So one day out of nowhere, Beth starts writing about her poor friend’s daughter and how she was mugged and ended up in the ICU.  It was a horrible story, and it got her a lot of attention on facebook.  Everyone was so worried about her and her friend, and her friend’s child.  The dramatic story continued on facebook for a few days, until the poor girl just couldn’t fight anymore and died.

The girl’s parents (Beth’s friends) were horribly distressed, as you can imagine.  They decided to fly to Tibet and scatter their daughter’s ashes there in the mountains.  Beth posted detailed accounts on facebook of how they went there to do this.  We were told about how the girl’s ashes were ceremonially scattered and the parents felt good about doing “right by their daughter” (though I’m not sure why they had to go to Tibet to do that).  The daughters amazingness was discussed at length for a few weeks.  During this ordeal, the poor girl’s parents facebook friended many of Beth’s friends, including me, even though we had never had any real interaction with them on facebook before.

After the ashes were scattered on mountain high, there were no further posts by the girl’s parents seen on facebook at all.  Months passed with no further posts by Beth about the ordeal either.  Then we suddenly see a post saying that the father of the girl who was killed just had a heart attack in the remote mountains of Tibet.  Wait, he’s still there?  Months later?  Hmmm, that’s strange…

There was an elaborate description of how rescuers had to fly to the mountains with a helicopter to try and save him, but they were too late and he died in the mountains.  It was of course devastating for Beth.  Again we heard about how awful it was for her and the wife of the man who just died.  This went on for a few days. Then, again, silence from the wife and Beth never mentioned it again.

A month or so later, I heard from our mutual friend, through whom I had met Beth.  It was then that I found out that Beth had invented all of the drama, the daughter wasn’t attacked, wasn’t put in the ICU and didn’t die.  We are not even sure she was real at any point.  The father and mother never went to Tibet to scatter her ashes, and the father didn’t have a heart attack high up in the mountains, away from medical assistance.  Wow.

Beth had invented all of these stories, assumedly to get attention.  She had drawn dozens of people into her fake drama, making everyone feel sorry for her and her friends, and upsetting many people.  She had created fake profiles for the girl, her mother and her father and used them to friend her friends to create an entire web of lies.  Once it was discovered, there was a big uproar about all of her deceptions and about how many people she had affected with them.  There were theories about whether or not she was crazy, a pathological liar, or just someone who wanted attention and didn’t know how to get it in a healthy way.  We really don’t know the answers to those questions.

Once she was found out and confronted, she apologized for her schemes, but it just served as a reminder to be careful with whom you interact in this world.  You never really do know anyone, even the people you know in person.  There is always the chance you are dealing with a psychopath.  There are many people who will do whatever it takes to get them what they want or need, and they don’t care if they hurt anyone else in the process.

Manti Te’o is surely much more famous than any of us, but we all fell into a similar trap of someone’s lies and deceit.  If it hasn’t happened to you yet, that’s great, I hope it never does.  Let this story serve as a warning to you to be on your toes; it really is happening to lots of people out there, it is real, so be careful.

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