by,

Suzanne Coleman

Before we experience the insanity that is going to be Monday’s “After the Final Rose, The Men Tell All,” I think it’s time to take a step back and review what has happened with the men that are going to be on that show.  Now, remember, these are the poor guys that Kaitlyn rejected, often pretty badly.

Let’s start with Chris, the dentist, Cupcake.  This poor guy was whisked off on a super romantic date to the high cliffs of Ireland over-seeing the ravaging ocean.  On the cozy helicopter ride there, Kaitlyn was all over him, flirting and giving him all the right signals.  They land and start to have a meal, then somehow out of NOWHERE, this girl just dumps his sweet little behind.  This dude was smacked in the face blind-sided, there is NO DOUBT about it.  He was kicked in the face with the hind-hooves of a donkey breying.  That girl is about the worst breaker-uper I have ever seen, seriously, for real.

So she leaves the poor guy stunned and alone on the edge of a freaking cliff and he starts to sob like his whole life is OVER because she isn’t into him.  He steps near the edge of the cliff, like he’s about to jump, and the TV crew moves to pull him back when he steps back on his own.  Seriously, what was that all about?  That is pretty scary.  Dude needs to talk to a counselor and the producers need to keep these guys away from the edges of CLIFFS!!  I hope he’s there on Monday…

Ok, then there’s Joe.  Good old Joe, a little too slow to get into Kaitlyn’s… heart?  She slammed him upside the head with a heavy brick when she kicked him to the curb.  Complete blindside, it seemed to him, to us, maybe not so much.  The poor guy didn’t see it coming and he didn’t react well.  Will he give Kaitlyn the piece of his mind that she deserves?  Or will the show script it to something nice and pleasing?  (I.e. BORING)

Now, when she let Ben H. go, it wasn’t so bad.  It was during a rose ceremony and he was basically like, eh, ok.  It was no big deal.  It seemed pretty obvious that he was trying to make something work with Kaitlyn, but he wasn’t really feeling much of anything for her.  It seems like his past relationships may have messed him up to the point where he can’t really judge what he truly wants and needs.  The news is that he’s going to be the next bachelor, so I hope he finds a good match there.  He’s so young, he has time.

What about good ole Brady, will he even be there?  If he is, I bet Britt will be there too.  If so, will it all be about Britt and her pretty, pretty hair?  🙂  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.  I can already imagine how it’s going to go down:  we get to watch as Britt tosses her hair around and tries to use her eyes to get what she wants; all of the while she’s saying “Kaitlyn?  Kaitlyn who?”

Oh gosh, who can forget about Clint and JJ?  (Well, to be honest, I almost did.)  These two were a show in and of themselves.  It’s too bad it got cut short when the, um, a**h*** Clint was finally seen for what he was by Kaitlyn, and got sent home.  Clint immediately turned on his supposed friend JJ and verbally and emotionally abused him.  What a dick.  I hope he gets the counseling he desperately needs.

The other UGH of the season, creeper Ian will be there according to the promos.  Really, I have ZERO interest in what this “person” has to say about anything or anyone.  NEXT!

I’m sure that the young-un Jared will be there.  Dude, PUHLEASEE shave that face!  O.M.G.  Dude.  Seriously.  Ok, that’s all.  He clearly wasn’t in love with Kaitlyn, unless you count puppy love.  That boy is way too young for an adult relationship, or at least that’s how he seems.  He’ll get there.

The rest of the guys didn’t really make enough of an impression on me to include them here.  I think Monday will be pretty interesting to watch, that’s for sure.  There will certainly be some CRAAAZY stuff going down.  I will see you there!

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